Monday, January 09, 2006
"Sh*t a*s stupid..."
Well, I did, in fact, remind Jilly to bring the camera to her office last week, but she forgot to bring the cord to upload to pics from NC. SO, I am to call her tomorrow morning and remind her to bring the cord, and then I will be able to post our vacation story/photos.
In the meantime, here’s a little story I am posting for Ryan. He proclaimed that this story would be his first blog entry, but in an effort to help out my dear friend, and to defend myself in the process, I will write the story.
Let me begin by saying Saturday was a very hectic day. We all had lots to do before Jenny’s little sisters wedding, and not much time to get it all done. Kimmie and I both had hair/nails to get done, and Ryan had to get up at 5am to fly back from Wisconsin—with a cold. So, my appointments were all done before Kim’s, so I agreed to go and pick up Ryan at his house, and meet everyone at the hotel. Now, keep in mind, the wedding, as far as we knew, started at 5:00pm, and Ryan called during my manicure (at approx. 2:30) to see where I was because he “had to run out for a minute.” I called him about 15 minutes later to let him know I was on my way. He said he was at Pep Boys, but that his front door was unlocked. I was not really concerned during the phone call, but when I was pulling down his street, I noticed that it was already 3:00pm, and we had a 30 minute (minimum) drive to Coral Gables. So it was especially distressing to find Ryan underneath the hood of his car installing a new battery when I pulled up.
After following him around for a good 20 minutes yelling at him to hurry up because I still had to shower and do my make-up, and watching him unpack his suitcase from Wisconsin, only to repack everything, we finally got my car to drive to the hotel. I agreed to make a quick stop at Farm Stores to pick up a few things for Ryan, only because I needed a few things. While in line, I realized that I did not have my wallet. Since I never have cash, and since I never mind making Ryan pay for stuff, I was only concerned about this because it was my brand new Coach wallet that I got at the Blowing Rock Coach outlet for $25. I called Kim, who was still at the nail salon, and asked her to see if I had left my wallet in Jackie Chan’s station (this is NOT
a derogatory statement, as he actually told me that his name was Jackie Chan while he was giving me my pedicure. Promise.). As I waited, I asked Ryan to look on the side, and underneath his seat to see if it had fallen out of my purse somewhere between the nail salon and his house. After a very pathetic search, Ryan says he doesn’t see it, and began bitching about the $16 purchase we (he) just made.
We made our way back on to Old Cutler, and Kim calls to tell me that Jackie Chan doesn’t have my wallet. This is when concern turned to alarm, and I start bossing Ryan around like nobody’s business. This is the condensed version of the next 10 minutes of our drive:
Me: “Ryan, look on the side of your seat again…”
Ryan: “ I already did. I told you, it’s not there.”
Me: “Well, you didn’t look very well then. Look again.”
Ryan looks again.
Ryan: “I’m telling you, it’s not there.”
Me: “Oh God. You’re just not looking hard enough. Move your seat up!”
Ryan starts turning around in his seat, legs were in the air, both of us were yelling at each other, and finally he understood what I was trying to get him to do. He took off his seatbelt, slid his seat up, moved the back of his chair up, and I could finally get my arm under the seat. Mind you, I am driving this entire time, which I know was not the best idea, but I was panicking. Once I was able to get my arm under the seat, guess what I found?? Yup. My wallet. Not before I almost ran into a tree (it was actually a dead branch on the ground, but Ryan’s story is that it was a tree). I was elated that I found my new wallet, and the next two minutes were pleasant. I called Kimmie to tell her I had found the wallet. Unfortunately, she had already made a scene in the nail salon telling Jackie Chan “You’re a LIAR and a THEIF!” Kidding. But she wasn’t going to leave until my wallet surfaced. So, now Ryan and I were about 5 minutes away from South Miami, where Kimmie was, and Kim calls.
Kim: “Uhhh....I think they towed my car.”
Me: “What? Did you not put money in the meter?”
Kim: “Yeah, I did! I’m going to ask [the meter maid] that’s here.”
(Me, to Ryan: “OMG, Kimmie can’t find her car—she thinks it’s been towed…”)
Me: “Kim, if you put money in the meter, then your car must have been stolen.”
Kim: (Near tears) “Oh my God, was my [explicative] car stolen?? I am going to ask this guy..I’ll call you back.”
Me: “Ok. We’re down the street anyways, so we’ll be there in a minute.”
Ryan: “What happened?”
Me: “Kimmie can’t find her car—I think it was stolen.”
Ryan: “Jesus Christ. I bet she’s on the wrong street. It’s probably one street over. It wasn’t stolen.”
Me: “I don’t know…Kimmie sounded like she was crying…I think it might have been stolen….we need to go get her....”
Kim: “I’m a [explicative] idiot. I think I’m on the wrong street.”
Ryan: “What? Is she on the wrong freakin street??”
Me: (Still laughing) “Yeah…I think.”
Ryan: “Oh my God. You two are just sh*t a*s stupid. I can’t believe I have to deal with you two. You tell me to take my seatbelt off and almost run me into a tree, Kimmie can’t even remember where she parked her own car…”
Me: “Oh shut it Ryan.”
God I hate him sometimes. It was pretty funny though. And we did make it to the wedding on time. Here’s a few pics:
Posted by Catronics ::
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